By Tope Olotu
Have you ever caught yourself waiting for someone to say “You did great” before you believed it? Or did you find your confidence shrinking because no one noticed how hard you tried?
I have been there. Waiting for validation that never comes, or that comes too late.
But here’s a truth worth holding on to: your value doesn’t shrink just because someone fails to recognize it. Some people may overlook your worth, not because it’s missing, but because they simply haven’t learned how to see it clearly yet.
A diamond buried in the ground is still a diamond. It is still very valuable in spite of the dirt that surrounds it. In the same way, your value is there, even if nobody notices, recognizes, or validates it yet. Recognition doesn’t create your worth; it only reveals what has always been there.
Growing up, many of us didn’t receive the validation we needed at home. Sometimes it wasn’t because our parents didn’t love us; they were simply too busy helping us survive, or perhaps they lacked the words to express what they felt. In some cases, they never received validation themselves, so they had no model for giving it. I’m not here to defend parental shortcomings, but just to mention that, for the most part, our parents did the best they knew how to do with what they had. We can stay stuck in blame, but it rarely brings healing or progress. At some point, we must choose “rebirth”, to intentionally fill the gaps, to nurture what was missing, fill our cup a little more each day, and keep growing in becoming the kind of whole, affirmed person we need to live our dreams.
For me, I saw love expressed through hard work. My hardworking mother was stretched thin, working a salaried job during the day, making snacks for sale at the evening markets, and finding little goods to display for sale in front of our house in between. She gave everything she had to keep us afloat. There was no father in the house to say “well done” or “I’m proud of you.”
I still remember being in secondary school, listening to classmates complain about their strict fathers. And I would quietly think to myself, I wish there were a father even to scold me, if only to say, “You can do better,” because at least it would mean someone cared enough to notice. Once, in a moment of frustration, I even snapped at a classmate to stop complaining about her dad. I half-jokingly asked if she wanted to switch places with me. She never brought her “daddy issues” to me again, but deep down, I wasn’t really ready to hear them anyway.
I was really fortunate to be able to visit with my eldest brother from time to time, and he’d chat with me about school, ask if I was still keeping my position in class, and encourage me. I always looked forward to those visits and conversations; they made me feel seen and motivated to keep doing well. If you’re a brother, sister, cousin, uncle, aunt, grandparent, neighbor, or simply a caring adult in a younger person’s life, please embrace that role. Your words of encouragement, challenge, or affirmation might be the very spark that helps them chase their dreams. And even when it seems like they’re not getting it yet, don’t stop showing up; your presence might be the miracle they need.
You may never have had the chance to receive the validation, encouragement, or emotional boost needed to keep going, whether at home, school, or work. But here’s what matters now, you can become your own number-one advocate. You can cheer yourself on, even when no one else does, or when their affirmation comes too late, or in the wrong way.
I’ve heard of students who came home beaming after scoring 90%, only to be met with the question, “What about the one who got 100%?” In Nigerian homes, the classic follow-up is, “Does the person who scored 100% have two heads?” A line many Naija students know too well – My Naija friends, you can translate it to your local language, in your daddy or mummy’s voice – haha. Some grew up under that kind of pressure, while others had no parent checking on their grades at all. One can crush your spirit; the other can make you feel invisible. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, the message is the same: keep going, you are worthy.
“You can become your own number-one advocate.”
Whether you’re 14, 24, 34, or 64, we all need a little encouragement, a word from a loved one, a teacher, or an employer. We all long to be seen and recognized. But sometimes, that validation doesn’t come. And often, the people we expect it from mean no harm; they just haven’t learned how to see your light clearly yet.
So, yes, it’s painful when others don’t notice your effort. But remember this, the absence of validation is not the absence of value.
In fact, learning to recognize your worth, without waiting for applause, is one of the most powerful forms of freedom. It’s a gift you can freely give yourself.
Do not let the lack of validation make you doubt your worth. Keep showing up strong, and continue learning to communicate your impact with confidence.
For some, communicating one’s impact comes naturally; they have been doing it from childhood, “show and tell” was natural. For the rest of us, it takes time, perhaps as a result of our upbringing or conditioning, where we have been told not to “blow our own trumpet” or “sing our own praises”. Be encouraged if you’re one of us, haha, you’ll get there. Keep learning, keep growing, keep believing in yourself, and keep showing up. I’m learning now that communicating my impact isn’t boasting, it’s clarity, it’s about making your value visible. This looks like a whole topic on its own, maybe another day.
So while on this journey of growth, whether validation comes or not, keep your head up. The world will eventually recognize what has always been true about you.
And also remember, you are priceless, so walk like it, at least try.
- Thought: Your worth remains, even when unseen.
- Encouragement: Your value existed long before recognition and will outlast every form of approval.
- Affirmation: “I am whole, worthy, and complete—just as I am.”
“Your value doesn’t shrink just because someone fails to recognize it. Some people may overlook your worth, not because it’s missing, but because they simply haven’t learned how to see clearly yet.”
About Me
I am a certified project management professional, a community advocate, and a compassionate nutritionist.
I share thoughts, encouragement, and affirmations through my TeaWithTope posts. I also created Teal Nutrition, offering culturally relevant nutrition education and resources for agile living. Through ITOSugar, I share diabetes education content that speaks your language.
I am very active in my community, collaborating with others to educate and empower children, youth, young adults, women, and families through the non-profit initiatives I co-founded, including a youth club, Aspire Hub, and Tiraka, with branches in the United States, Canada, the UK, and Nigeria.
About TEAwithTope: Thoughts.
Encouragements.
Affirmations.
I share bite-sized reflections, personal thoughts, encouraging words, and affirmations rooted in truth through #TEAwithTope, where I invite you to pause and breathe, just like you would over a calming cup of tea. You may also want to explore and shop my favorite tea blends.
